Critics lambasted Wolf, the 1994 campy Jack Nicholson werewolf flick directed by Mike Nichols. And while that film is far from great, at least it had a sense of humor about itself. It had Jack pissing all over James Spader’s shoes and saying, “I’m just marking my territory.”

Wolfman, directed by Joe Johnston (Rocketeer, October Sky), fails primarily because it takes itself entirely too seriously. Benicio Del Toro is an interesting choice as Lawrence Talbot, but his constant grimace wears thin pretty early on. It’s a monster movie. Lighten up a little, sheesh. He also looks like he hasn’t slept in about a month. Later in the movie that might make sense, but why the pale face and saddlebag eyes when the story has barely begun?

For some odd reason, Joe Johnston decided to take every bit of subtlety out of the original horror classic and make Wolfman into more of a slasher flick than a monster movie. Wolfman moves like a locomotive and kills like Jason Voorhees, slashing throats, de-limbing, beheading and gutting with repulsive efficiency. There are enough scenes of blood puddles, body parts and innards strewn across the ground to make even the most seasoned slaughterhouse clean-up crew feel a bit queasy. And full moon shots. There are about 59 of them in this movie. Yes, clouds over a full moon looks cool, but come on. We get it. Full moon means the werewolf cometh. Stop hitting me over the head with it.

Anthony Hopkins hams it up as daddy Talbot, but Hannibal Lector he ain’t. He’s neither particularly amusing nor is he scary as the big bad villain of the film. Emily Blunt is perfectly fine as “the girl” and she looks great in the period garb, but she also remains stiff as a board throughout, even as she locks lips with Lawrence. Can we get a little human emotional range here, please?

Effects are crucial in this kind of movie and, while Wolfman’s work is far from terrible, it’s also decisively mediocre. This comes as quite a surprise considering the involvement of Rick Baker. The look of the Wolfman himself isn’t bad and the transition scenes are decent, but still pale in comparison to Baker’s work 29 years ago on American Werewolf in London. I know this isn’t entirely Baker’s fault since the digital portions were not his handiwork, but it does seem odd to find fewer flaws with the FX work in a movie nearly three decades older.

I didn’t particularly care for the Mummy series, but at least they had the good sense to poke some fun at themselves and have a laugh at the silliness of it all. Wofman just doesn’t know what it wants to be. Is it a monster movie, a slasher movie, a period piece? It’s certainly not scary and the acting is nothing to write home about. Mostly it’s just an utterly forgettable mess. For those hoping for a return to Universal’s classic monster movies of days gone past, I guess we can keep our fingers crossed for Creature From the Black Lagoon.

Quickie Score: 2.5 (out of 10)

Quickie Review: Crazy Heart

Quickie Review: World’s Greatest Dad

Quickie Review of Youth in Revolt

Quickie Review of The Maid

Bookmark to: